Isn't it ironic?

How about a side of reality with that plate of optimism?

It seems that when you proclaim "aint no mountain high enough," (as I did in a post a few weeks ago), the universe tests your theory by putting one directly in your path... right up in your face actually.

Just days after that post, the company I was consulting for part-time closed up shop... at least temporarily.

I was developing concepts, creating activities, and writing content for kids based on social-environmental issues like eating disorders, wildlife conservation, leadership, and community service... refreshing considering all the negative influences out there.

It definitely sucked to hear the news, but mental survival mode kicked into high gear and I assured myself that all would be fine and everything happens for a reason. 

After all, I survived the much more stressful divorce from "that other startup job" last summer.

I look back and almost laugh at how upset I got at the time, and how much I could've avoided that by accepting the situation instead of resisting it.

Sometimes you just have to trust that everything happens for a reason.

But even knowing that, I couldn't help being a little jaded. It was the 2nd job in a less than a year that fell through. Really?

As it sank in, I grew frustrated and started planning myself a little pity party.

Then I remembered two things that snapped me out of it:

1) there are thousands of people who survived massive job losses over the last few years

2) the only guests at a pity party are you and your misery

I can only imagine how difficult the recovery process must be for people who are tied to their jobs for years like marriages.

It's jolting to say the least when something you're so invested in suddenly ends without warning.

The reality is there's nothing we can do about uncontrollable circumstances, but we can control our reaction.

I let myself be upset within reason and quickly moved forward. It's nice to see my rebound rate improving.

It was a short but sweet experience that genuinely inspired me, and I truly hope they find a way back.

In the meantime, my focus is to grow WORD-OLOGY. Things are going really well so far.

I'll be sharing what it's been like to launch my own business as it all unfolds. Stay tuned!

If you're interested in starting your own business, it'll hopefully provide some practical tips for getting the ball rolling, and inspire you to take the plunge for yourself.

And as for that mountain... still climbing, and actually loving it!

xoxo

Mojo Monday: Let the games begin!

When you start to feel like things are getting a little status quo, the best way to spice things up is to find something new and adventurous to get into.

No, I'm not referring to sex... at least not in this post. 

I vowed in the beginning of the year to find some interesting new activities that didn't break the bank. 

Although I loved the Russian baths, I haven't been back since, so I've been itching for something outside of my typical social schedule. 

The goal was also to be spontaneous and say "YES" to things popping up unexpectedly that might lead me outside the box.

Well, it just so happened that my friend invited me unexpectedly to take a ride and hang in the park in our neighborhood.

It was a gorgeous day and I had no set plans other than to get some work done, so I said yes.

We sat in the sun drinking beer out of paper bags old school style, and I was so happy to be outdoors.

We noticed some people walking over to the empty field nearby and my friend pointed out that it was an archery field. 

Archery on Staten Island? Really?

I was surprised I never knew it was there or knew anyone who had done it before. 

I watched through the fence, seriously impressed as they shot their bows and arrows Robin Hood style.

Finally one of the guys yelled out for us to come over and try it. I hesitated for a second, and then said YES.

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I was SERIOUSLY excited. I felt like I was getting to experience a part of history. 

Maybe it was the fact that I'd seen The Hunger Games, Braveheart, and Robin Hood in the two weeks before, but I was like a kid in a candy store. Who knew?

These guys were no joke. They had some serious gear and some more basic stuff for beginners like us who wanted to try it out.

A "quiver" used to hold arrows behind your back

beautifully crafted bows, which can be pretty pricey

They were using traditional bows and arrows...

NOT the more modern compound bows common in hunting today. I was told those require less skill and effort than the traditional versions.

There's a whole subculture linked to archery, and although they were laid back, they definitely took it seriously.

I asked about a million questions and learned that they each had pseudonyms, and there are huge events where people set up tents, dress up in medieval garb, and represent their "kingdom" in competitions.

Yes, it was all a little "dungeons and dragons" but these guys were so cool to let us try it out. And because they had extra equipment, it was free!

I got a quickie lesson on safety, form, and mechanics before strapping on a leather arm band, finger tab glove, and taking my first shot. So exhilarating!

I was nervous at first, but it was actually a pretty calming, meditative experience once I got into it.

I definitely shot better than I expected to. The arrows flew straight and quick, just a little to the right of the target board. Eventually I hit it, and naturally, I did a cheesy celebratory dance.

I was very proud of myself. It was so fun, I felt like Katniss! (That's the girl from The Hunger Games in case you've been living under a rock.)

Ironically, the next day I got a Groupon for archery lessons on Staten Island... pretty strange coincidence. 

A few hours after that, I opened a People magazine right to an article about an actress who is into archery. Weird.

Then I had a dream someone was trying to kill me and I was defending myself with a bow and arrows, lol.

Clearly all signs were pointing in that direction, so I went with it.

They invited us to come practice any time, so I went back again, making a lot of my shots on the target board. Three or four even hit the blue!

Apparently there's a whole points system and ranking procedure. I'm not there just yet.

It was honestly one of the coolest things I'd done in a while. It's not often we stumble onto activities that are new and exciting.

It was definitely outside my comfort zone, but well worth it.

Admittedly, I'm a GINORMOUS geek. And while I might not meet the man of my dreams at the archery field or become a grand master bowman with a pseudonym like Angel Heart Demon Slayer, it sparked something in me that made me feel like a kid again.

I'll be on the lookout for other things that ignite the kid in me, and I encourage you to do the same.

So next time you're on the fence and someone asks you to cross over and try something new, do yourself a favor and just say

  YES!!!!!!!!

MY WAY...

God didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?  

~Author Unknown     

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.

~William James  

Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.  

~John De Paola

A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.  

~Aesop, Fables

*************

So, I've been feeling a bit guilty about my inability to be consistent with my posts. 

I sat down last week and the travel thursdays draft I scheduled to post was gone.... %@(#.*_@!!! (fill in your favorite expletive)

Today I sat down to write and life happened once again. I lost half my day to a stressed state of mind and was tempted to put it off yet again.

Then I remembered that life doesn't run on my schedule, so why should my posts?

In an attempt to find the balance between becoming more disciplined and accepting what's realistic, I'm changing the name of my travel posts from Travel Thursdays to Traveliscious. 

With that adjustment you can expect them any old day of the week. 

I do intend to continue...hell, just scratched the surface with my trip. But maybe the posts will be shorter and more frequent, or shorter and less frequent. 

And I think I'll throw in a mix of other things as they come up. I'll probably keep myself guessing as much as you, but c'est la vie. 

In a perfect blogger world, I'd be posting the same time consistently...that's what builds an audience, according to the experts. 

That would be amazing, and it is the ultimate goal, but it's also key for me to figure out what works for me over time, and at this point I'm still experimenting. 

I'm not an inside-the-box, play-by-the-rules kind of person anyway. 

I'll just continue to write about whatever comes up when I sit down to write. I'd rather write authentically than on a timer. 

Are you a slave to your schedule? A slave to your stress? 

What is your stress really about? The need to get it all done? The need to get it done right? 

Are you losing passion for something you love because you're attached to some perfect picture of how it should be? 

Whatever IT is, try loosening the reigns a bit. Sometimes things occur differently than we imagined...but the important thing is that they occur. 

xoxo

Coming Clean: PART II

Coming Clean: PART II...read Part I here

At the same time as things were unravelling with my dad, I finally received my contract for the "dream job" I had gotten earlier in the summer.

By that time, we were in the amazing new office space in Greenpoint and I was commuting from Staten Island to the city and then into Brooklyn. 

It was very exciting and challenging, and I was both eager and anxious about the workload. A few road bumps slowed the process of getting things off the ground, but I felt like I was learning a lot and enjoying it all.

I was loving the freedom I had to develop the brand and establish the tone and voice of the company through my writing. It was also great to get positive feedback on my work.

I produced an initial blog or two, the majority of the web content, our company bios, mission statement, executive summary, print marketing, press release, etc. 

That same week, somewhere between avoiding the pouring rain and rushing to meet my former boss for dinner, I managed to leave my beloved, 2-month old macbook air in the back of a cab. 

Yup. $1500 computer. Gone. 

It was f-ing awful. I searched desperately, but nothing.

I hated myself for it and it still pains me to bring it up. So, in the words of Forrest Gump...that's all I have to say about that.

The next day, despite my hopefulness and excitement about the position, we hit a wall in the negotiation process and ultimately took a step back to re-evaluate the relationship.

I was pretty devastated and spent weeks not knowing where I stood or what my next step would be. 

It was such a confusing time, trying to make sense of how it all went down and how things got to that point so quickly and so unintentionally.

I spent a lot of time going over the details and trying to figure out how and where I went wrong.

I hadn't experienced anxiety like that in a reeaaally long time. There was a day or two I could barely peel myself out of bed.

I was finally feeling settled and confident about the direction of my professional life, and it was as if in an instant, the rug had been violently yanked from under me. As fast as it comes...it goes.

Looking back I think it was ridiculous to have gotten so upset, but I guess I had grown an unhealthy attachment to all the things the job represented for me.

I was also afraid the situation validated my worst fears about myself...that I wasn't capable, that I wasn't worthy of success, that I was subconsciously out to sabotage myself, that I wasn't cut out for a "real job", that I might never reach my potential. 

Amazing how easy it is to kick ourselves when we're already down. It was light years from the confidence and security I felt just days before. 

Luckily, with my amazing support system and all the work I've done over the last year, I was able to contain the aftermath, put it in perspective and get back to a strong place much faster than I would have in the past. Something like this would've had the old me in a depression without question. It was great to recognize that change.

A good friend suggested I give myself time to grieve the loss and I thought that was great advice. It made me realize it was okay to be upset...as long as I didn't over indulge in that space. 

The hardest part was not knowing. I was in a state of limbo, hoping to salvage the relationship, waiting to come to some sort of conclusion.  

When I was finally able to step out of my anxiety, I realized I could find what I valued about that job elsewhere. It was at that point I was able to let it all go. 

So, after some grieving, I got back up, dusted myself off and began devising a new game plan for myself. 

I wasn't looking forward to starting over and wasn't even sure I'd have to, but after weeks of uncertainty, I had no choice but to move forward...

PART III tomorrow!

xoxo

Coming Clean: PART I

Happy belated holidays!! It's been a whirlwind the last few weeks and somehow we're now at the end of the year.

Santa's got his naughty list and I'm on it.

I've been a berry bad blogger. My sincere apologies for being a complete shit-talker.

It's not easy to be consistent, but like anything else, it's a muscle that needs regular exercise.

I found out over the last few weeks that some people actually read this blog...quite reassuring. I had my doubts.

It probably had something to do with my little break the last few weeks. I go through phases where I think no one's reading or that what I'm writing isn't relatable...insecurities that naturally come with the territory.

I do check the stats but it's not always clear who's reading. What I heard in person was encouraging but I wouldn't have known if I didn't run into those people.

So I encourage you in return to post comments. This was always meant to be an interaction more than a sounding board for me, so your involvement is key.

I'm still growing in this process and could change direction at any time.

Since you're reading, I'd love to know when something I write strikes a chord with you...or when it doesn't.

Don't be shy people...sharing is caring. And if you can't get over your stage fright I'm pretty sure you can leave comments anonymously.

You can also make a word-less statement by liking a post via the Facebook button, which with any luck, should be installed by tomorrow.

If all else fails and you decide not to contribute, I'll still love you just for reading.

Ok, that's my speech.

So, in the spirit of the new year, I've decided to use this time to bring you up to speed and come clean about a few things. You can expect the next Travel Thursday installment very soon.

In the meantime, I'm breaking this post into pieces so you can read in doses.

First things first...

A few months back I wrote a post called The Silver Lining about one of the roughest periods I had experienced in a while. I thanked my friends and family for their support and that was the extent of the specifics.

What happened in a nutshell was a trifecta of shit that began around the time of Hurricane Irene. 

My dad was hospitalized after his 2nd knee replacement surgery and I had to find a rehab center the day the hurricane was going to hit where they'd accept him. 

Most of the rehab centers in southern Long Island were being evacuated, and on top of the typical constraints, my dad is bi-polar, diabetic, has COPD, heart disease and more medications than the local pharmacy. 

It was not a fun process...to say the least. 

With visions of Hurricane Katrina and its victims, I obsessively packed ziploc bags with mini flashlights, batteries, matches, non-perishable food, and other survival items. 

Then I tried to train my dad to text in case the phones went out. Considering he doesn't know how to save contacts and can't tell when his phone is on speaker, it was like training a 3 year old to crack hidden spy satellite code. 

I'm normally not a panicker, but I couldn't help recalling a documentary I watched once on what would happen if a sizable hurricane ever hit NYC...let's just say it wasn't good. 

His rehab center was in a flood zone but we couldn't evacuate him anywhere else, so I was really scared and felt responsible leaving him there.

I went back home to my mom's and boarded up our house there with the help of my neighbor. 

We thankfully survived the hurricane but learned the next week my dad had contracted a dangerous staph infection - one of the most difficult to get rid of - and had to undergo ANOTHER painful surgery.

 kinda cute as cartoons, but not so much in reality

After weeks of rehab, he had to start all over. There was no way to positively spin this one...it just plain SUCKED!!!

It's hard to explain how much more extreme these situations are for my dad than they would be for the average person. 

Aside from his personal and medical conditions, there are tons of outside logistics - insurance, doctors and home care - that had to be regulated.

At times it's as if we're dealing with a man that's 81, not 61. It's a lot to handle and was especially grueling in the midst of starting a new job. 

But finally, after 2 surgeries, 8 weeks of IV-antibiotics, and 3 months of recovery in 2 different rehab centers, he's back home and doing much better. 

I have to say, despite his lifelong struggles, the one thing that's actually improved over the years is his sense of humor.

On good days he sings me and my sisters off-the-cuff, rhyming voicemail messages that rarely make sense but are always hilarious. 

ok, this pic is sexy...I mean SCARY!

PART II tomorrow...

xoxo

Travel Thursdays: (3) D-Day

Packing is an art I have NOT mastered and probably never will. I've gotten much better with practice but it's definitely my least favorite activity.

In this case I was packing for six weeks of travel. The climate would be anywhere from brisk to scorching and I somehow told myself I'd keep it simple and wear white t-shirts the whole time. Right. Amazing how I entertain my own B.S. sometimes.

I believed wholeheartedly in the "minimalist" mantra, but at the end of the day I couldn't deny my true identity as a "better to have and not need than need and not have" kinda girl.

It's a slippery slope, and it wasn't long before I was at the bottom of the mountain under a pile of my entire wardrobe. Shocker.

Even my luggage attempted to cover all bases; it was like a transformer - one part suitcase with rolling wheels and another part detachable backpack.

It had secret compartments and hidden backpack straps so you could carry the suitcase on your back, which was really cool in theory, but never happened.

I decided against one of those traditional backpacks...didn't want to do anything that screamed "tourist" while traveling alone.

I eventually closed my suitcase and wondered how the hell I got to this point. It was an amazing accomplishment...closing my suitcase AND the fact that somehow I had turned my dream into a reality.

As we headed to the airport there was definitely some uneasiness lingering, like I'd forgotten something important.

I pressured myself over every little decision leading up to this day. I spent a nice chunk of change buying things in an effort to make myself feel more prepared.

The truth is I could've bought out the entire travel section of Bed, Bath & Beyond and still felt uneasy. 

We all manage fear and anxiety in different ways but it's always a fruitless effort until we just face the music.

Trying to resist or distract from the fear instead of just being with it usually makes it mean more and linger longer than it needs to.

Looking back I think, "sure, it's going to be scary and uncomfortable at times...and that's ok.

If I wanted to feel safe and comfortable I'd stay home and not experience anything remarkable in life.

I say that now, but in the moment I was a mess.

We got to the airport and I spent a ridiculous amount of time curbside, painfully debating over whether or not to bring a certain sweater.

Should I bring it? Should I not bring it? What if I need it? I'm already over packed. I want it. I don't need it. I should take it. No, I should just leave it.

Pure LUNACY!

I was so frustrated with myself. I knew it was ridiculous and yet I couldn't find peace in either decision. That's because it had nothing to do with the sweater.

As my mom did her best to play the supporting role to my soap-opera style drama, the tears welled up and I lost it. The she lost it...and then we both laughed hysterically at my ridiculousness.

It was all hitting me. I was scared shitless. I was leaving everything I knew for a month and a half with countless unknowns looming. About 40% of the trip wasn't set in stone and in that moment all I could see was my fear.

There was no turning back now though. I was doing this and I knew I'd be fine once I got through the doors.

It was so hard to say goodbye to my mom. After a few tearful goodbyes, I finally had the courage to walk away.

By that time I was feeling the need for some liquid courage. I had some time to kill so I found a spot at the bar and took a moment to officially celebrate the start of this amazing journey.

About one hour, two beers and half a Valium later, I strolled up to the gate ever ready to board my flight and instead found myself staring blankly at the status board as the word "CANCELLED" blared over my flight number.

WTF?!!! Are you kidding me?

Remember back when volcanic ash from an Icelandic eruption caused major problems for air travel across half the planet?

Yeah, until that moment, I was one of the lucky ones. No ash in my flight path. My flight was good to go. And then, it wasn't. All flights to Spain were cancelled...indefinitely.

Good thing I took that Valium.

I went back home to an extensive game of musical flights, reserving one and booking another, waiting to see which one, if any, would be green lit to fly.

The initial projection put me a minimum of 4 days behind schedule. Now the fear was in having to cut out a leg of the trip or not being able to go at all, and that was really scary.

With the help of an amazing Continental rep, I boarded my flight to Barcelona the following night, losing just 1 day in my schedule.

It was a little bit of deja vu going back to the airport, but this time I had my fears in check, and they took a back seat to the excitement of knowing that in just a few hours, I'd be in Barcelona.

Next stop...Espana!

xoxo

The Silver Lining

When your personal forecast rapidly goes from bright and sunny to dark and gloomy...AKA, when a massive sh*tstorm rolls into town...it can be hard to see or feel anything good.

It's also in those times that you come face to face with what REALLY matters in life.

You get to experience just how much love and support is there to pick you up and pull you forward.

The last few weeks have been some of the most challenging I've had in a long while, but with the help of friends and family, I know things will work out just as they should.

It's also given me a chance to take a hard look at some things I've been needing to address for myself.

It's never comfortable admitting flaws, and it's even less comfortable doing the work to correct them.

But just like exercise, working through the resistance is what builds the muscle and gets you stronger. 

Somehow, no matter how life unfolds, we always manage to get what we need.

A wise friend told me that the other day...requires a lot of faith when things aren't going well. But that's ultimately what gets us through.

I have many wise friends. So lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

I've really missed writing.

Didn't realize how much it gets me going...just another layer in that silver lining.

SO LONG SUMMER...

Did anyone else gain 10 lbs over hurricane weekend? Ok, maybe it was 5...ok 2 1/2.

Had an impromptu porch party with specialty "hurricane" cocktails and a live DJ...my neighbor across the street loves to recreate his glory days at the Palladium, so he broke out the speakers and we had a little dance party.

We all agreed to hang the next day for brunch, so I woke up the next morning and baked a tray of cookies. When everyone flaked, I had no choice but to eat the entire batch myself.  They were good cookies.

Is summer really over? WTF?

With a forecast finally free of natural disasters, I was able to squeeze in one last beach day this weekend. Thank GOD!

Like a true Staten Islander I headed to the Jersey Shore, where we somehow managed to avoid beach traffic and Snooki sightings. Miraculous!

And in perfect post-Labor Day fashion, my company officially opens its office doors today. It's kind of like the first day of school again.

Like most kiddies, I dressed in my best and took a bus...and then a subway...and then a car. It's a friggin' pilgrimage to get to Greenpoint!

Once I'm there, it's pretty damn great.

The office is amazing, which makes it easier to digest the trip.

And the neighborhood is pretty industrial but on its way, which makes it pretty interesting to explore...in daylight hours.

Can't believe I'm starting this new job. I can't believe I get to write and be creative for a living. I can't believe I get to be part of growing a company from day one.

There's only a handful of us right now so it's pretty amazing to start at the very beginning and watch it all unfold.

I thought I would be nervous. Haven't been in an office environment in a loooong time. But I'm actually psyched.

Website should be up soon...can't wait to share all the progress we make.

This summer seemed shorter than ever, but it was pretty sweet. Here's hoping yours was too...and that the warm weather lingers and we get to enjoy some more sun before the blizzards start rolling in!

xoxo

WTF?!!!

The world didn't come to an end this weekend...yay!

You might remember a week or two ago when I posted about the great things that were happening, seemingly all at once...three dates in a week, work progress, etc.

There was a happy, colorful cloud pic involved. The title of the post - When it rains it pours.

Sure does. Only the cloud looked a bit bleaker this week.

 

I spent most of my weekend agonizing over how to cook the endless amount of meat that thawed when our freezer broke down.

It was a mess. Meat juice everywhere. The entire place smelled like meat!

My mother is away for the week, which sadly left me in charge of dealing with it all.

I'm a decent cook, but I was really out of my league on this one. I felt so guilty throwing it out so I figured I'd have to try.

I was determined to make it work without burning the house down.

She gave me a few recipes to work with but it was literally overwhelming to try and cook so much at once. She had enough meat in there to feed a small country!

The freezer guy came Saturday, 5 min before my sister walked in with her new man. 

It was chaotic, but awesome. We bbq'd some of the meat and after a bottle of vino I was over the whole situation. 

Then I woke up from my nap and realized I still had a kitchen full of meat to cook asap and a party to get ready for in the city.  

Let me paint you a picture...there was rib roast, turkey roast, chicken cutlets, chicken wings and thighs, chicken nuggets, steak, a price-club sized bag of stadium-sized hotdogs, mini hotdogs (which I took to my softball game yesterday), kebab meat, meatballs, several bags of ground beef, burger patties, turkey patties, veal cutlets, canadian bacon, etc., etc., etc. 

I'm not kidding. I had 5 shopping bags full of meat. My sister took some, my neighbors took some, the garbage took some and I'm actually STILL cooking some. 

Some cooking was successful, some not so much. Might be a good time to consider the Atkins diet. Memorial Day weekend is rapidly approaching. 

I even called a friend to see if her fireman husband wanted to take some to his firehouse. I tried to throw together a super last minute bbq but that didn't happen. 

I'm not sure why it stressed me out so much but it did. My whole weekend became about the meat...not letting it go to waste, that is. Something to ponder in therapy perhaps. 

Sunday rolled around and I woke up early to cook some more before my softball double-header in Central Park. 

I hoped that playing would take some of the edge off but something interesting happened along the way. 

After spending half an hour looking for parking, my teammates called me to say that they would chip in for parking. So I turned the next block to head towards a lot.

And as I rounded the corner, if you can believe it, I encountered a pothole and got a f-ing flat tire. 

Yes, ANOTHER one. That's twice in one week. WTF?!

I've been pretty optimistic about things lately, but ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?!!! 

I can't lie, I wanted to ram my fist through the steering wheel. Instead I sobbed like a little girl.

I started feeling like that guy Eddie Mush from A Bronx Tale. 

Could this be some twisted karmic payback for my post about Tire Guy, my date from last week? Hmm. 

Didn't think I was that harsh. But now I'm debating on sharing my other recent dating stories. Maybe I'll just wait for Ladies Night.

Or maybe sometimes shit just happens. Either way, hopefully I'm good for a while.

I reminded myself today of another post, Treasure Your Trash, from a few weeks back. I thought about the quote that inspired it... 

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”

  Written by Regina Brett, 90 yrs old, Cleveland, Ohio

Once again, something to think about. 

I do have enough kick ass chilli for the whole week. Too bad I think I'm officially a vegetarian. Anyone hungry?