OVERCOMING FEAR OF SUCCESS

Marie TV

It's amazing how once you discover something truly powerful for yourself, the Universe drops more powerbombs in your path. 

The awesome video above by one of my new superheros - empowerment master, Marie Forleo - is a perfect example. 

It offers practical tips for overcoming fear of success and emphasizes the power of the subconscious mind in how our lives manifest. 100% relevant in my world... and perhaps yours too.  

Like so many others, I've been faced with overcoming my fear of success. It sounds ridiculous to admit being fearful of something we all want... or at least say we do. How can we be afraid of that? Easily.

Here are just 5 reasons we fear success:
1) we're afraid we'll fail 
2) we're afraid we'll threaten or alienate others
3) we're afraid we'll get what we want and it won't be satisfying
4) we're afraid we won't have time or energy for anything or anyone else once we have it (i.e., we'll have to sacrifice something major)
5) we're afraid we'll lose ourselves

Last week I acknowledged my very real desire to take this blog to the next level and ultimately make it my full-time gig. Yeah baby!

I've hesitated for a long time for many reasons - most notably that f-ing voice in my head guilting me with all the "CONCERNS & SHOULDS" about committing to another entrepreneurial venture... one that will take time and effort away from securing a  "safe and stable" job. 

When I put all that aside and really gave myself permission to look at my needs and wants without judgment, three things became undeniably clear...

1) For the first time ever, I'm clear and confident that this is what I want. HALLE-FRIGGIN-LUJAH!... THANK YOU GOD!!!

2) YES, I have real concerns about how I'll make it all happen... and that's ok. I know as I continue to get clearer, I'LL FIND A WAY.

3) NO, I'm not willing to put my dreams to bed just yet... not without a fight, anyway. NO GUTS, NO GLORY!

Sometimes we can't see why we're stuck. It's a shitty feeling that signals the need for deeper investigation. Uncovering the reasons I'd been holding myself back freed me up to get the hell out of my own way. How? 

Consider that your mind is like an iceberg, with just a small percentage living consciously, out in the open air. The rest is hidden in your subconscious, where it can only be explored by going down deep beneath the surface. 

Here at the surface, I'd been saying I wanted success for myself and I was taking action toward that end. But deep down in the depths of my subconscious, my beliefs didn't align.  

I'd been afraid to really admit that I was clear about what I wanted. That would then mean I had to go for it, and let's face it, that can be terrifying. 

But the biggest fear wasn't the commitment. It was that I wasn't capable or deserving. I feared I'd fail, or get overwhelmed and ultimately have to sacrifice everything else - friends, a love life, children, my sanity. Sound familiar?

At times the subconscious fears were so strong, I'd somehow sabotage my own efforts. That would leave me beyond confused and essentially hating myself. Not good.

I was either acting without clear intention, or worse, in opposition of my real intention. I was contradicting myself and sending very mixed messages to the Universe. 

Conscious or not, what we give out is almost always what we get right back...

THE BOOMERANG THEORY

What do you see for yourself in this conversation? What's lurking in your subconscious that keeps you from getting what you really want up here at the surface? 

Watch the video! Acknowledge what you really want and consider that your fears about getting there are the only thing standing in your way. 

xoxo

PEACE, LOVE & POWERBOMBS!

The BEST FRENEMIES: Turning challenge into opportunity

We've all heard phrases like, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and "love your enemies."

I think the same can be said, metaphorically speaking, for challenges and setbacks. We loathe them... we avoid them... they're the f-ing devil!!!

But what if they weren't all bad? What if "challenges" were the ultimate FRENEMY? What if "setbacks" were just opportunities in disguise?

What if embracing them... even loving them a little, allowed us to live fuller and freer lives?

Most of us fear suffering, and we work incessantly to create our lives in ways that avoid it like the plague.

It doesn't feel good when we're in it, but it's just our body's way of telling us that something isn't right... something needs our attention... something needs to change. 

If you think of it from an evolutionary standpoint, it's like survival mode. We sense the threat of danger and make moves to adapt.

The old "fight or flight" instincts get triggered, and we want to defend and attack or run away and hide.

So really, challenges and setbacks are there to protect, prepare, and empower us... if we do the work required to not only get through them, but to get the thing they're there to teach us.

It's not always as obvious as you'd think, so you have to really look. And in looking, you might not always like what you find. But once you identify where the work needs to be done, you can take action around that.

The beauty is that really seeing it this way is a powerful tool that allows us to accept that what's happening is a natural part of the ebb and flow of life.

Doing that allows us to then figure out a way to deal with the circumstances powerfully, instead of spending all of our energy resisting it.

Swimming with the current instead of against it allows us to evaluate and react from a place of strength and empowerment instead of fear, worry, and upset.

This is NOT an attempt to "positive think" your way out of problems.

It's actually a tool you can use to step back and address whatever needs to be dealt with so you can be better equipped for survival.

Life will never be perfect and neither will we. There will never be a space in which everything goes right all the time.

Sounds like common knowledge, but a lot of us (consciously or not) still buy into the illusion of control on some level.

That was one of the biggest challenges I faced in getting to a better place.

I used to get frustrated when, after making progress, something would happen that sent me spiraling back to the same old space. I would wonder what I did wrong.

I finally realized some very important things:

1- We can't control outside circumstances no matter how equipped we are.
2- It's not our circumstances we need to manage, it's our reaction.

3- Acceptance vs resistance, is the best way to regain strength and deal powerfully with things when they go down. 

4- Acceptance doesn't mean defeat. 

5- Seeing the opportunity and taking action will move you forward.

*BONUS

6- Something feeling bad in the moment doesn't necessarily mean it is. 

The best personal example I can think of is my decision to move home. I was pretty devastated and depressed about it at first. I saw the move and myself as a complete failure. I judged myself as harshly as you can imagine... all day, every day. I spent every ounce of energy up in my head, in panic mode, overwhelmed by my circumstances. After a while, I had nothing left to create something new for myself. No strength, no clarity, no motivation, no life. In a nutshell, no MOJO.

I couldn't see how counterproductive it was at the time, but I was literally suffocating myself with worry. After doing some hard labor on myself (and still doing it), I learned to let go and accept that it would all be ok. And over time I saw amazing opportunities in this so-called setback.

It was an opportunity to step away from all the things distracting me and address what I really needed to work on. It was also an opportunity to discover what I really wanted, to fulfill my dream of traveling to Europe, to create a new business, to create this blog, to reconnect with old friends I grew up with, and especially, to build an amazing relationship with my mother and grandmother.

I had already been close with my mother, but there is a closeness and understanding now that never would have occurred if I hadn't moved back home. I also had next to no relationship with my grandmother. There's always been love, but never closeness. There's a language and cultural barrier that kept us from sharing anything more than superficial, almost scripted conversation.

She's come to stay with us every other weekend over the last year, and we now share a bond that was never there and would've never existed otherwise. I now know that she has a fully functioning sense of humor, she likes the Kardashians, and I even know some phrases in Arabic. She's 85 and the only grandparent I have left, so it's especially meaningful to have had this time with her at this time in my life.

I now look at the challenge of moving home as a necessary opportunity... one that has given me so many gifts, and has also strengthened and prepared me for the life I really want for myself.

Where can you see opportunities in your challenges? If you don't see any, look closer.

I've learned to love all my challenges. I make them my BEST FRENEMIES.

I expect them and I do my best to embrace them... because I know they're leading me someplace bigger and better than I am today.

xoxo