Friday, February 10, 2012

Trimming The Fat!

Despite a surprising well of material, I haven't written about the love life in a while.

Valentine's Day is approaching, and as I approach another birthday as a single woman, I'm taking an even harder look at my dating habits.

Even when I notice something isn't working, it isn't necessarily easy to change. We sometimes go looking for things we think we want but don't need, and vice versa.

I've been dating more than ever and I'm more confident than ever that all the prep work is leading to something and someone very special. 

It's something I think about a lot. What do I want? What am I drawn to? What do I attract?

Lately its little boys in mens clothing...unfortunately. 

And then with some there was just no connection. 

I've never been a serial dater. I don't like wasting time on something or someone I know isn't for me.

That mentality has kept me isolated because it's not everyday you find something great. So what do you do in the meantime?

Well, you date until you start seriously envying lesbians.

I've tried to fight my all-or-nothing tendency by being more open and having fun with the whole dating experience.

But at times that's translated to lowering my bar of expectation just to fill the gaps and keep myself entertained between things that are more substantial.

Well, I'm officially over it.

I got a request to hang yesterday with someone I met before the new year. I cut things off after realizing it was more work than it was worth.

For a split second I was tempted to consider jumping back in, but he'd already proven he wasn't up to par, so I put a fork in it...for good.

(sometimes it's hard to take myself seriously)

Why get reeled back into something I don't really want anyway?...just to pass the time and validate myself?...not necessary and not worth it to me anymore.

I realize now that even in bits and pieces, there's nothing good in settling for less than what you want...even temporarily.

There's also no point in trying to sell yourself on what you already know deep down to be a lie.

Reminds me of something Maya Angelou said to Lady O - "When someone shows you their character, believe them."


It may appear to fill a void, but in reality, it never does. It wastes time and energy that would be better spent focusing on what you're really after.

This also goes for life outside of dating.

It's challenging but I'm committing to choosing quality over quantity. Sometimes less is more!

Doing some house cleaning and cutting ties with anyone who isn't making the mark.

Still gonna be out there having fun, staying open to meeting new people and dating outside my comfort zone.

But I'm also gonna avoid meaningless distractions and keep my eye on the prize.

It's a new year...time to trim the fat and make way for something real.

Where can you trim the fat (so to speak) in your life?

Are there relationships holding you back, friendships that aren't working for you, work that isn't fulfilling you, passions you're not pursuing because you're distracted by your never-ending checklist?

The answer is, simply SIMPLIFY!

What do you really want that your cycle of habits could be keeping you from? Hmm, something to ponder for your weekend.



  1. U r amazing your writing and even more your direction. Thanks for sharing. I am pondering :) xoxo

  2. Thank you!!! Always great to get the feedback and I love that you're PONDERING! Ha! Ironically, the guy I was talking about reached out again yesterday and apologized for being "so bad at this." Was tempting to reconsider but I think I'd just get more of the same in the end. Had to remind myself...trim the fat, trim the fat! Have a great weekend...whoever you are!

  3. Love the metaphor Trimming the Fat - so true. Loved the post

  4. Insipring! I enjoy your writing, I've got know its 2013! What's your status? Single, or in a relationship? You made some amazing points!

  5. Hey Single gal! Thanks so much for checking in, and happy 2013 to you!! I've been a very bad blogger...been on a posting hiatus since Hurricane Sandy hit. Been spending lots of time on relief efforts in my hometown but planning to reboot and start posting again asap! Your comment may have just given me the push to get back to it.

    It was really interesting to re-read this post. Ironically I just turned 34 this past Friday. I'm currently single and not really looking too hard at the moment. When the time is right, he'll arrive. I'm focusing on myself, doing more of what I love, and venturing out with new activities more than ever. How are things in your world?