Trimming The Fat!

Despite a surprising well of material, I haven't written about the love life in a while.

Valentine's Day is approaching, and as I approach another birthday as a single woman, I'm taking an even harder look at my dating habits.

Even when I notice something isn't working, it isn't necessarily easy to change. We sometimes go looking for things we think we want but don't need, and vice versa.

I've been dating more than ever and I'm more confident than ever that all the prep work is leading to something and someone very special. 

It's something I think about a lot. What do I want? What am I drawn to? What do I attract?

Lately its little boys in mens clothing...unfortunately. 

And then with some there was just no connection. 

I've never been a serial dater. I don't like wasting time on something or someone I know isn't for me.

That mentality has kept me isolated because it's not everyday you find something great. So what do you do in the meantime?

Well, you date until you start seriously envying lesbians.

I've tried to fight my all-or-nothing tendency by being more open and having fun with the whole dating experience.

But at times that's translated to lowering my bar of expectation just to fill the gaps and keep myself entertained between things that are more substantial.

Well, I'm officially over it.

I got a request to hang yesterday with someone I met before the new year. I cut things off after realizing it was more work than it was worth.

For a split second I was tempted to consider jumping back in, but he'd already proven he wasn't up to par, so I put a fork in it...for good.

(sometimes it's hard to take myself seriously)

Why get reeled back into something I don't really want anyway?...just to pass the time and validate myself?...not necessary and not worth it to me anymore.

I realize now that even in bits and pieces, there's nothing good in settling for less than what you want...even temporarily.

There's also no point in trying to sell yourself on what you already know deep down to be a lie.

Reminds me of something Maya Angelou said to Lady O - "When someone shows you their character, believe them."

Truth.

It may appear to fill a void, but in reality, it never does. It wastes time and energy that would be better spent focusing on what you're really after.

This also goes for life outside of dating.

It's challenging but I'm committing to choosing quality over quantity. Sometimes less is more!

Doing some house cleaning and cutting ties with anyone who isn't making the mark.

Still gonna be out there having fun, staying open to meeting new people and dating outside my comfort zone.

But I'm also gonna avoid meaningless distractions and keep my eye on the prize.

It's a new year...time to trim the fat and make way for something real.

Where can you trim the fat (so to speak) in your life?

Are there relationships holding you back, friendships that aren't working for you, work that isn't fulfilling you, passions you're not pursuing because you're distracted by your never-ending checklist?

The answer is, simply SIMPLIFY!

What do you really want that your cycle of habits could be keeping you from? Hmm, something to ponder for your weekend.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Bachelor #1: Tire Guy

My date with bachelor #1 started out with more drama than I anticipated. He approached me online and after a few chats back and forth I decided to give it a shot.

I was looking forward to the date when, mere minutes before arriving, I hit a damn crater in the middle of 18th street and got a flat...in my mother's car. 

I'm fully serious. Can't make this shit up. These are typically signs of either utter catastrophe or ironic luck. 

I remained optimistic in the hopes that this would make a great story for my date and I to one day tell our grandkids.

I called my date and he very graciously offered to come wait with me for roadside assistance. I felt awful but agreed it would be better than having him wait for me alone at the restaurant.

I was immediately impressed by his actions, yet admittedly judgmental about his voice.

I hate to say it, but he sounded a bit on the effeminate side, especially when he confessed he didn't know what to do about the flat because he didn't drive in the city.

We hadn't spoken on the phone before our date, something that should've been a pre-requisite...and will be from here on in. 

When he arrived I was a bit disappointed. I could tell right away that he was not my kind of guy...something I obviously didn't get from our online interaction. 

There's only so much you can gauge from a photograph. Let's just say that although I'm not looking to meet Paul Bunyon, I do realize I'm attracted to somewhat manly men. 

I'm not the world's girliest girl so I want a guy who makes me feel like a lady. In this case, it was clear that I'd be getting down and dirty changing the tire before him. 

But, he was cool and I was in it, so I was determined to enjoy it for what it was...a nice dinner date. You never know what unexpected things can happen in meeting new people.

He was incredibly nice, engaging and above all, very chivalrous. He even offered to run out to my car to feed the meter...so sweet! 

We had great discussions and I genuinely enjoyed his company. He did everything right, but despite all that I felt nothing in the way of attraction. Sucks.  

For the record, bachelor #1 was not nearly as nerdy as this guy, though he did mention playing the trumpet in his high school band. He was a self-proclaimed "dork" back then.

While he likely came a long way from those days, sadly it was not far enough for my taste. It was simply a case of incompatibility.

Turns out the tire was the highlight. While I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation,  I was secretly relieved the tire debacle had spared me some time on a date I knew would never lead to anything romantic.

With regards to the pun in the last sentence, I plead guilty...I never said I wasn't a dork. With that in mind, I'll say that by the end of the night I was right on par with the tire...deflated. But the search continues!

I wouldn't mind dating someone more like the Old Spice Guy...who would? A cross between that and a dork would be ideal. I'm just throwing it out there in case God is listening.

Have an amazing weekend!

And then there were none...

Where to begin...well, I'll begin by saying thank God for this blog. Because of this blog, dating experiences that would otherwise be downright depressing are instead comical.

It's giving me incentive to not only stay out there, but to embrace the hilarity of situations as they arise because, at the very least, they'll be fun to share with you.

I've been mulling over the dilemma of whether or not to share the fact that I'm blogging with guys I meet. There are a few challenges this poses.

Firstly, how do I stay authentic with someone I'm dating without telling them I'm doing this? It's a big part of my life and I don't like lying or hiding things.

With that said, obviously it's not necessary to share my entire life story until I get to know someone a little bit.

The second issue is in the writing itself. Is it fair to share details about dates without the other party knowing? Or better yet, what if they find out after the fact that I've been writing about them all along.

Even if I don't write about them, once they know I've been writing, they can check out my entire dating history with one click.

The biggest question of all...how come Carrie Bradshaw never ran into this problem?

At this point I have committed to being as honest and open as possible on both ends. I will share as much as I can without sacrificing anyone's privacy or my own integrity in dating.

I guess the exposure of a blog is a risk by nature...one that apparently I am willing to take.

To sum up, the three men I was in contact with this week are no longer in the picture. Sigh. You'll understand the sigh after you hear the dirty details about each guy. Stay tuned for the breakdown on bachelor #1 this Friday.

Back to square one.

So you’re telling me there’s a chance?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qULSszbA-Ek

A guy emailed today on a certain internet dating site that shall remain nameless. It was his 2^nd attempt to contact me. I hadn’t replied to the first email sent 2 weeks earlier. He asked for some kind of confirmation as to whether I was interested or not. Really? I thought my non-response was a clear sign that I wasn’t interested.

Then I thought “eh, what the hell” and proceeded to email back…a clear sign of 5 things:

1- no sign is ever really clear in the world of online dating

2- a mixed signal is better than no signal

3- NO really means MAYBE SOMEDAY

4- it pays to be ballsy

5- I am suffering from general confusion with regards to dating

On that note, have a glorious weekend!

Real men don’t text!

I met a nice guy at a party not that long ago. We talked for over an hour, exchanged info and he texted several days later. The texts went back and forth 3 or 4 times and then…nothing. I was the last one to text. Ouch.

To be completely honest, I was more perplexed than disappointed.

This is not the first time this has happened so it left me wondering: Am I a bad texter? Do I have some kind of texting etiquette deficiency? WTF? I’m starting to develop a complex.

My first thought was that it must’ve been something I said. So I went back into the texts to see where I might’ve gone wrong. I did make a sarcastic joke in one of the last texts…maybe he didn’t find it funny?

And then I checked myself and thought “seriously, how off putting could I have been on a 4^th text?!” If that was the reason I’m clearly better off without him. But I wondered how different it would've been if he would've just called.

Which brings me to the question of the day… When did making a phone call become such a big deal?

I thought guys were all about instant gratification? I mean, I get that it’s helpful for a quick update or when you can’t talk. But as the primary method of communicating? Not a fan. Especially when you first meet someone.

Call me old school, but I think the phone call deserves a Robert Downey Jr. kind of comeback.

Yes, it’s typically awkward at first, but at least you get that initial layer of ice out of the way and jump right in to the thing that got you exchanging numbers in the first place…getting to know each other!

I see the appeal with texting in getting to think about and edit your response. But when you’re initially getting to know someone you have no foundation with, can you really gauge chemistry from texts?

As a culture, we’re all about efficiency, yet I’ve found things to be so much more complicated over text. What takes 5 min of back and forth texting would take 10-20 seconds over the phone. I don’t get it. Is it just me?

It seems in general we have an innate ability to assume and misinterpret things. It’s challenging enough dealing with the consequences of that when we’re communicating face to face.

Take away voice, tone, and all the other elements of expression that allow us to read a person’s intention. We’re essentially left guessing and it becomes a complete crapshoot. So much can get lost in translation.

If a guy picks up the phone to call me there are three things I immediately credit in his favor:

1- he’s definitely interested and aggressive enough to make moves

2- he’s confident enough to have a conversation 

3- he’s chivalrous

I believe real men have a voice and know how to use it. It's attractive. 

My guess is that this person was “just not that into me” or maybe he decided I wasn’t his type or maybe he dropped his phone in the toilet and lost my number forever. At the end of the day, it’s always just a guess.

I’ve stopped worrying about why people do what they do. I can only control what I do. And I will continue to encourage good ol’ fashioned phone conversation with any guy I meet because I want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to limit the conversation to 160 characters.

(Yes, I have a ghetto phone that only allows me to text 160 characters at a time. Waiting on the new iphone!)