Monday, June 13, 2011

decisions, decisions: Part II

Imagine standing at a fork in the road. Imagine the road splits 10 ways and you’re equally drawn, equally passionate toward them all. Now choose.

I've had a hard time deciding what I want. Actually, the issue is more that I want a bit of everything. 

Film, photography, design, writing and everything in between. Within each area of interest lie countless options...and I've considered them all!

Indecision can be crippling. It's something I've fought to overcome for years. 

I think it's just part of who I am and something I need to embrace.

There are worse things in life than being indecisive and far worse problems to have than being interested in (and good at) many different things.  

I love that about myself. What I don't love is the dysfunctional way I’ve allowed it to manifest in my life. 

I’ve gotten really good at testing the waters with many things without jumping in 100%. It sucks.

It’s not to say I don’t give it my all. It’s the opposite. I work really hard, really passionately…and then I move on to something else.

Hmm, ADD? Yes.
(Call me crazy, but I happen to be a believer.)

The good news is I get to experience all the things I love. The bad news is I haven't exactly made a career out of any of them.

I work on so many different things that many projects remain works in progress.

My dream as a teenager was to do it all and have like 6 different careers. Be careful what you wish for.

If I was still 16 or living during the Renaissance, I wouldn’t exactly have a problem. In this day and age it’s incredibly frustrating.

I've always been artistic and creative but I didn't always have the outlets to explore or express it.

That's what this time has been for me. And I'm getting there little by little.

There is the reality of having to make a living and the desire to feel accomplished and have my life more accurately represent my talent and skills.

The one thing I've always been committed to was making my living doing something I enjoy, or at the very least, something that doesn't feel like I'm dying a slow death.

I just need to be a mogul like Beyonce or Justin Timberlake…assemble a team of people to help produce my creative, music, film, television, etc., etc.

Yup, that sounds good.

Dreams keep us alive. They keep us hungry. 

I have so many dreams...probably too many for one person in one lifetime. 

Choosing which dreams to follow shouldn't be the hard part. For me it has been. Brutally hard. 

But allowing the decision itself to get in the way of the pursuit (or the enjoyment of the pursuit) would be my biggest regret in life.

I continue to search my soul for answers, but at this point I'm not sure I'll ever get one that's clear. 

Maybe that's the point. There is no answer…I just have to choose.

I don't think I'll ever be able to shut off all the light bulbs going off inside my head. What I'm learning to do is channel them more effectively. 

The most important thing for me to remember in making a decision is not to seek out a right or wrong, because there is none.

Making any choice will lead to something new and any forward movement is good.

Life is a ride and if I keep imposing these constraints on myself, I won't be free to enjoy anything I do. 

So, let the chips fall where they may.

I don't know what the future holds, but for now, I choose to enjoy the freedom of choice.

Well, I'll try. 

Decisions, decisions...PART I

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